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Apr 2, 2004
it's the weekend!

I am excited that it's the weekend and that Jake is my boyfriend.  Both of those things are happy, but Jake is the one that makes me smile even on the weekdays, so I like him better than weekends.  Speaking of which, I will get to see him this weekend and I think that he will come see Oklahoma even though I warned him of how it's not so great. We did nothing all day in school today..my teachers were just amazed that any of the seniors even bother to show up on Fridays anymore, so I just got lots of bonus points for coming to class.  I made an 80 on the math test that I thought I had failed.  We are in pre-Calculus now, even though all year we've been calling it trig and it's just been getting harder and harder.  Most of the time, my brain goes dead...that or I just don't listen to begin with. I have a concentration problem, I do believe.  Hm...what was I talking about?  (Not really..I'm not that bad.)  The first performance is tonight and that's exciting becuase you work really hard and then there are only 3 days to perform and it makes it reaclly hectic, but exciting too.  I hope that Jake has fun with Jase today.  They need some good time together.  I know that I won't get to see him and I might not even get to talk to him today, but I for sure will smile knowing that he's out having fun with his best friend.  I think it's just been way too long since they got to go do crazy miscievous boy things together .  Hehe..Jake is great.  Practice starts at 6 tonight to do warm-ups and stuff, and then from 7-10 is the actual musical, and depending on whether we do something after the musical or not..I should be home anywhere from 11-12 tonight and then work starts at 12 tomorrow afternoon.  That's my life until tomorrow, and I will be thinking about Jake (which is my favorite part of the day every day).  I LIKE JAKE! 

Posted at 03:26 pm by dexter
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Mar 31, 2004

Um....JAKE! *giggle*

Posted at 10:40 pm by dexter
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Mar 28, 2004

I've been in for a little wile now, but I had to take a shower and work on my paper and now I'm finished and I'm going to River Hills to work out which means I'll be back home a little before 7:30. I'm worn out. I was thinking about taking a nap when I got in, but when I sleep during the day, I feel sick. I decided to stay awake and......JAKE JUST CALLED! Yes! I am so excited now. *SMILE* Alright, I'm going to make a cd and think about Jake and go exercise my little heart out. hehe..I love how it's getting dark, but I'm just now starting to feel sooo much better.

Posted at 06:12 pm by dexter
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Mar 25, 2004

I came home from school early because I'm sick. I hope it's nothing bad, but I just started feeling horrible and now I'm just tired. I think I am going to go take a nap and hope that I feel better when I wake up. When I started to feel bad, I didn't care as much about coming home as I did about how I'm going to get to see Jake now before I leave this weekend. That makes me sad, and being sick and sad at the same time feels pretty bad. I will write something else on here when I wake up, but I just can't stay up any longer because I'm afraid I'll feel worse if I do. Oh, and I have to memorize a sililoquy from Hamlet tonight because I've been procrastinating since the beginning of spring break, and if we don't do it tomorrow, we get a zero. I hope that I can get it memorized, but not nearly as much as I wish that I felt better so that I could go surprise Jake at work. I am /sadface now. Maybe if I go to sleep, I will wake up feeling better and I can go see him. Hey, you never know. I'd just have to feel a million times better than I do right now because I'd have to drive out there to go to play practice for 3 hours, and right now I can't imagine feeling this bad and going out for that long. Ok, ok..I need to sleep now so that I can stop thinking sad things about how I'm not going to see Jake. I like him so very much, I need to just think about that. :)

Posted at 02:53 pm by dexter
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Mar 23, 2004
I can talk jive..

I really can't. Today I went to school in the morning and went to the office to tell them that I couldn't give blood because my mom was all upset about how I had mono and that my immune system is too weak and I would pass out easily, etc. I was really scared to, and my mom was shocked when I told her that I wanted to, but she just didn't think it was the best idea. I agree. I probably would have had to come home from school early if I had given blood. Lots of kids passed out and/or threw up and had to go home. After that, I ate way too much sugar and in 5th period I fell asleep and woke up with a horrible headache. I guess it was a sugar crash, but I just felt really sluggish and tired. Then after art I called my boss and told her hat I couldn't work today because she had wanted me to try, but I had to go to voice lessons this week so I could give my teacher the check and try to reschedule for another day of the week. I might just quit taking voice. It has become more of an inconvenience than a help. Instead of working, I exercised at River Hills for about 30 minutes and went to voice lessons and came home. I still feel tired, so I might got to bed early tonight. I'm about to eat some non-sugary dinner so maybe that will help me feel better. I sure hope so. I'm worried about Caroline because I haven't been able to get in touch with her since she got really upset yesterday. I tried to call her twice after I got off work last night, but there wasn't an answer. I hope that she's alright, because last night I tried to call her cell phone and it said that her bill wasn't paid so no one could reach her. That was strange. I think my mom would have mentioned something if there were a serious problem between Caroline and her mom, but I'm more worried about how she's doing than anything that's going on between them. Of course, I hope that everything is better now, but I'm not sure what's going on and so I'm thinking about it too much. Jake has work tonight..in fact, he's already there. I thought about him a lot today, which makes me happy because I didn't have the best day, but I still thought great thoughts about him. What a great person! He is very special to me. I think I almost finished my autobiography last night, but I'll look at it in a minute to see if I can print it off to give to him tonight or not. If I'm not finished, I'd rather not. It is 9 pages long, so I think I should stop. I don't even know why I included some of the random facts, but I guess it's just stuff that has remained with me since it happened and therefore it is special in one way or another. I hope that he finds some things in there that he didn't know about me before. There is something great about typing things down about Jake. Thinking about him is one thing, but actually placing it in words is even greater. I hope that I get to go by the Park tonight after practice. I would love to see him! I wish that I could really surprise him sometime, but I think I'd get too excited and tell him all about it before it happened. I should try it though, just to see if I can do it. That's a plan. I like Jake. That's another, much better plan.

Posted at 05:17 pm by dexter
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Mar 20, 2004
the plan

This is the plan.  I'm going to like Jake.  Heh...you expected it to be something different?  :)
I am going to leave work at 5 and get dinner downstairs.  Then I will eat my dinner and at 6:30 I need to be at the airport because Kristen gets in from Italy tonight.  So, I was thinking it would be nice of me to go to the airport..plus her mom invited me to be there.  So...I will go do that and I plan on being back in Madison a little before 8.  After 8, I can do anything..and I don't think I'm going to work on my Hamlet project tonight because it will take a couple of hours so I will do that tomorrow and maybe just skip church because only one other person in my group goes to church and the other 2 are the only ones I need to help me with the video editing.  Ok, so now you know everything about tonight...maybe it won't take me so long to get back to Madison..I just need to be there at 6:30..but from 5-6:30 gives me just enough time to get home and change clothes before I have to turn back around.  This is not sounding like a good plan.  Hm...ok.  How about...I will just stick to liking Jake?  I'm best at that...all this other stuff just gets in the way.  I miss him.  I am at work and no one is on the tennis courts which equals boring for me..not like watching old guys sweat is necessarily cool, but at least it is something.  I would like to get out of here soon.  good thing I have control of the key! Alright...Jake my love, call me tonight. Anytime.  I will be liking you.  You can definitely call me before 8 because right now I'm just guessing that's when I'll be back.  Yes, I would love to hear your voice.  I know this is getting long but hang in there...I'm almost done.  If 8 is going to be too late for you to start doing something since you've got church in the morning..you just call me and I'll change my plans and come right home.  Or you can just tell me to hurry and I will.  Everything about you makes me smile.  I still have the blue putt-putt ball that you gave me..so that's another reason why I HAVE to see you.  hehe...I hope that you had a good day of work.  Oh, and getting to see you is not as important as you taking care of yourself, so if you are tired or really sunburned and you don't feel like doing anything then I will be happy just thinking about you.  :)

Posted at 04:38 pm by dexter
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Mar 19, 2004

My topic of discussion: Jake. I write about what's on my mind (unless it's merely an update on current life events.) We got to hang out tonight and it was great...time is more special when he's around. There are hundreds of little things that he does that make me sit back and think, "wow, he's special". And I get to know that he likes me as much as I like him even though I see him as being the best. His eyes melt me. I giggle inside if that's possible, but sometimes I'm not smiling because I'm thinking about the things about him that make me smile. I guess on that level, I think too much..becuase I should really just stop thinking and smile the biggest smile ever like I do when he's not around. That's something I can't really make myself do, but I hope that it happens when he's with me sometime so he will see how silly I can look when I'm thinking about anything and everything about him. He has claimed in the past that I'm smarter than he is, but now that I've gotten to spend time with him, I do believe that he is smarter than me and it doesn't change how I feel about him one little bit. Everything just makes me more proud of him. I am happy to be proud of him. In fact, I am happy about everything. If only the gas station last night had had a Vanilla Coke, then I could have surprised him and that would have made me happy, too. I like to do things for him because however excited he is about it, I am at least that happy. I like him even when I'm not happy, but he hasn't ever made me sad or upset. I think that even if something bothered me, I could talk to him about it instead of letting it get to me. Definitely I would because he is Jake my love. Since that is the truth, I will go to sleep after I say my prayers and stop thinking to just smile and drift away to sleep. I can't wait! Good night :)

Posted at 12:26 am by dexter
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Mar 16, 2004

Hey! I had a pretty okay day at work and I think I'll go to bed sometime soon. Tonight, I told my mom that I need my social security card to take to the river hills office because they need to see it to verify that I'm a U.S. citizen or something silly like that, so turns out that it's lost and I will probably have to stand in a line for a few hours tomorrow to see if they will grant me a new one. But, after standing in line for a long time, I have to see if I can persuade them to give me one using only my driver's license (they don't accept birth certificates as "proper identification"...I don't know why not) as proof that I am me. Oh, this is going to be stressful and I will get a really big headache. I lost my school i.d., or rather...threw it away because I didn't like the picture...and if you're under 18, that's what's required along with a driver's license to get a new docial security card. The government is so hard to deal with...I think I'll just wake up bright and early and call George W. He can get the job done, mainly becuase he's from Texas, I think. And well, we all know that people from Texas mean business. All of that to say that I will probably be unavailable to do anything before work tomorrow, especially since I have to be at Dogan's house to film more of Hamlet, Act 5 at 1 in the afternoon and work starts at 3. I wish that I could just find my social security card and get on with it, but it just doesn't seem to be that easy and I know that I'm probably the one that lost it. It's been a pretty stressful night, but maybe that means that I won't be so stressed about it tomorrow. I hope I don't follow after my mom and get stressed to the point where I can't function unless something random is done to appease the stress. For example...tonight she was upset that I didn't have my social security card and so she told me that I absolutely had to clean my room because my grandparents are coming this weekend. A) My grandparents aren't coming until Saturday B) They are coming Saturday for Brad's wedding, they are driving straight to the church and then going back to Oxford as soon as the wedding is over C) They are not spending the night, or coming to my house D) My room will have to be cleaned again before Saturday and I will gladly do it..but when there is no reasoning behind it other than appeasing my mom's stress, it's so hard to make myself do it. I sometimes just pretend that if I don't do it, she will go crazy and I will have to deal with her..but most of t he time, that's not only my imagination. Ok, that's the 2 paragraphs about tomorrow. In other news. I don't know if you've heard about this guy Jake, but he's about as 100% great as it gets. You can be jealous of me because I got to see him today. I mean, who wouldn't be? I'm even jealous of myself for getting to see him today because I miss him now. It's a good thing that Spring Break is here, because without that, I wouldn't have been able to see him so much in such a short period of time. I have been smiling all day except for that short little while after I got home from exercising at river hills with my dad. But yes, I was smiling because of Jake. Because everything about him makes my heart turn into a balloon that floats way up in the air saying *Jake Jake* *Jake Jake*, and so I smile partly because I can't help it, but mostly because I can and I want to and there is such a good reason to. So for tonight, that's all. I'll just think about my little balloon heart and smile and go to sleep. I like you, Jake. Good night.

Posted at 10:01 pm by dexter
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yep..messed up at work

Oh wow, I got here today and my boss had this whole list of things that I messed up on..but she likes me because I'm really nice and I will work anytime she doesn't want to work..so I'm still on her good side.  Mr. Chadwick came in and he's leaving town for the rest of the week and he said, "You gonna hold the fort down for us?" and it was right after Linda had explained to me how bad I had messed up...so after he walked out to leave, I looked at Linda and said "I wanna go home now..PLEASE" and she laughed at me because Mr. Chadwick is so intimidating and it's only my second day of work.  Oh well, she says that I'll get the hang of it, but now she has to explain all of this stuff to the front office and I think the only reason they won't hate me there is becuase my mom is paying over a thousand dollars to throw a bridesmaid/groomsmen breakfast for Brad on Saturday morning and my mom told them this morning that I'm her daughter.  Heh..if I can make it through today without messing up, I think it will be a miracle. 
I LIKE JAKE!  I've been thinking it this whole time.  I am so happy that I got to see him today.  Speaking of good things...Jake is a good thing.  It's the truth, but I know I don't have to convince you if you've ever met him (which you have if you're reading this, I'm most positive.)  Well ok, I think I'll go wait on a nice old couple now...it's my job! I will miss Jake tonight, but hey!  I will see him tomorrow :)  I hope that he has a nice night at work and I will update later on so that he will have something to read tonight since I think I'll go to bed early.  Until then, I'll keep on smiling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted at 03:46 pm by dexter
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Mar 12, 2004
Juice Barely-Breaking-Even

:) Today is a beautiful day! Right now I am charging my iPod for the trip to New Orleans and my mom keeps asking me if I'm packed. Well, I sort of am..but when I'm completely packed, it's going to mean for sure that I'm leaving and I would like to be here when Jake gets out of school to surprise him, so maybe if I don't pack...I can delay this little trip. Yeah, I don't think I can. :( In good news today: I woke up early (8:30) and went to river hills to see about getting that job in the tennis shop and I got it! I was pretty excited because their hours aren't late (after school-6 on weekdays, 9a.m.-5p.m. Saturday and 12-5p.m. on Sunday) So that means work won't ever keep me from going out with my friends at night on the weekends. I think it will be a good job for me, I hope so at least. I miss Jake. So before I leave...I will write a little message to him. Jake my love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are the best friend and boyfriend, and you make me happy just by being you. That's mostly why I'll miss you, because when I get back I can hug you all the time and I know that, but while I'm away it's you that I miss, and there is no way to really make that better. I wouldn't want to miss anyone else though. I will be thinking about you. I like you very much, so please take care. Have fun this weekend because It's beautiful outside! I start work on Monday at 2, but I'll be back Sunday afternoon. Oh..I almost forgot: Happy Spring Break! You are great.

Posted at 09:57 am by dexter
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